I don’t get this feeling only around the holidays. Even though someone or people are not in my life anymore doesn’t mean I stop caring about them. I always want to reach out and ask if they’re ok or what they’ve been up to. 

But honestly it doesn’t really matter? Am I going to rekindle a friendship or a relationship with someone that was toxic to me in the first place? 

What is it that we have with this desire to want to know what someone is up to? Is it because we want to know if they’re doing better than us? Is it because we need to have that satisfaction of knowing that we’re better off still? Do we genuinely hope that they are doing better? I would like to think the latter is true. But not always.

We do our best to move past the toxicity but there’s always going to be a little part of us that wants to know are they okay?


One thought on “Toxicity

  1. Your post reminded me of an old Jim Croce song,
    “Operator, could you help me place this call?
    See, the number on the matchbook is old and faded
    She’s living in L.A. with my best old ex-buddy Ray
    A guy she said she knew well and sometimes hated.
    But isn’t that the way they say it goes?
    Well, let’s forget all that
    And give me the number if you can find it
    So I can call just to tell ’em I’m fine and to show
    I’ve overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well
    I only wish my words could just convince myself
    That it just wasn’t real, but that’s not the way it feels.”


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